The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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