his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
