this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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