I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
