Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
