no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
