So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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