I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
