She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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