Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
