She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
