I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
