my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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