You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
