Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
