The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
