My hand turned me down
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
