So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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