i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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