I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
