two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
