Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
