covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
