a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
