Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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