He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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