And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
