Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
