just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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