so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
