i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
