Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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