My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
