I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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