Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
