She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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