my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
