This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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