I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
