i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
