Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
