Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
