Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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