I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
