I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
