sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
