Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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