i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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