he puts the penis in happiness.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
