I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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