I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I've blown a few things in my day
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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