i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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