So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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