If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
