sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
