my mouth tastes like poor choices
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
